My cheeks are burning against your chest
Your skin is acid to my scars
Your eyes are a blue flame
I flap my wings around its light
A long, winding rollercoaster
I intently listen to the coffee pot for its first gurgling sound
My door hinge is rusting.
Wind blows beneath my curtains,
I get up and close the door.
I am a tee hanging on a clothesline
Clothespin of sorrow detaches me from the ground
I watch as the flower grows, and the grass withers
It is a carpet of lacquered green
Spots of bright reds and yellows scattered
I’m a grey that blends with the clouds of anger
I watch as heaps of fluid blemish their gleaming colours
But their skin is a varnish resisting tears from the sky
And I am a cotton soaking oceans from above.
my head is ringing
like a couple has just been made legal
except that i don’t feel rejoiceful, at all
but rather like a stranger walking down an isolated road
surrounding are limbs of robots, giant robots
except that they are still, so still
like they might be sleeping
and you remember yourself and feel your skin
you shoud be the one resting
a blur of words and one good serving of caffeine
i try to keep everything under my breath
i breathe in and your voice gets higher
my music louder, i let out a breath
i cup my hands, the light is blinding
i try to focus and you keep on talking
can’t you see i don’t like you
i don’t like your aaah’s and oh’s
for once i want to hate you
and yes i do
but for this moment i try to stay away from you
I have not words from google nor from my sister’s letters
but worlds and galaxies unmade, unsaid.
I’ve counted from one to one thousand and I see your face
Deep, narrow lines
Tracing your slightly curved, dry land
Thirsty of water
Our eyes were a couple on the last day of summer.
I hear the clock tick.
It is in this darkness,
In the absence of your voice
And the presence of your memory
That I can see myself–
And my freaking stupidity for not saying I love you too–
I miss your crisp morning laugh
I miss your blue tiedyed dress
I miss the concept of you
The idea of my mother
My mother who will always be
“I don’t want to fail my subjects.
I don’t want to disappoint my parents.
I don’t want to lose my dad’s trust.
But also, I don’t want my course right now.
“I don’t want to get fat, again.
I don’t want to not fit in my skinny jeans.
I don’t want to expose those flappy arms in my sleeveless blouses.
But also, I don’t want to rob myself of the pleasure of indulging in a spoonful of Nutella.
“I don’t like to keep on faking smiles with these people I don’t even like.
I don’t want to pursue this process I did not even choose for myself.
I don’t want to compromise my academics for the org of the course I don’t even like in the first place.
But also, I don’t want all my effort and precious time to go to waste.
“I don’t want to keep on doing things that my mind tells me to do as my mind disagrees (or is it the other way around, IDK)
I don’t want to pretend that I’m perfectly fine with everything when really, I’m not.
I don’t want to keep pushing myself into things people dictate to me.
I don’t want to stay like this, forever.”
Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you..
Is it that it’s over or the birds still sing for you..
I could go on and on with the lyrics of this song but I bet it would be just as tiring in your part reading it as it is with me writing it. I just don’t make sense, do I? I just feel like this song speaks for me this very moment.
I’m sorry but I’ve just had the lowest of all low moments and I have nowhere else to put this sadness in. Sorry.
Sorry, life. I’m sorry.
I don’t know why but I’ve been feeling so low lately. Too low I’ve been keeping distance from people.
There’s just this hollowness in my heart that I can’t seem to understand. It’s like I don’t have my balance anymore.
Plus, I think I might just shift friends.