So Don’t

“I don’t want to fail my subjects.

I don’t want to disappoint my parents.

I don’t want to lose my dad’s trust.

But also, I don’t want my course right now.


“I don’t want to get fat, again.

I don’t want to not fit in my skinny jeans.

I don’t want to expose those flappy arms in my sleeveless blouses.

But also, I don’t want to rob myself of the pleasure of indulging in a spoonful of Nutella.


“I don’t like to keep on faking smiles with these people I don’t even like.

I don’t want to pursue this process I did not even choose for myself.

I don’t want to compromise my academics for the org of the course I don’t even like in the first place.

But also, I don’t want all my effort and precious time to go to waste.


“I don’t want to keep on doing things that my mind tells me to do as my mind disagrees (or is it the other way around, IDK)

I don’t want to pretend that I’m perfectly fine with everything when really, I’m not.

I don’t want to keep pushing myself into things people dictate to me.

I don’t want to stay like this, forever.”


So don’t.  


Autumn Leaves

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you..

Is it that it’s over or the birds still sing for you..

I could go on and on with the lyrics of this song but I bet it would be just as tiring in your part reading it as it is with me writing it. I just don’t make sense, do I? I just feel like this song speaks for me this very moment.

I’m sorry but I’ve just had the lowest of all low moments and I have nowhere else to put this sadness in. Sorry.

Sorry, life. I’m sorry.

Only when..

I don’t know why but I’ve been feeling so low lately. Too low I’ve been keeping distance from people.

There’s just this hollowness in my heart that I can’t seem to understand. It’s like I don’t have my balance anymore.

Plus, I think I might just shift friends.